Ambushing the Ambusher

I just got a call from the NRA. I'm pretty ambivalent about gun control. I don't think it's a conspiracy to ensure that the American populace cannot protect itself against a totalitarian regime emerging from our present or future leaders and I have a reasonable understanding of what the spirit of the 2nd amendment most likely was. That said, I just had one of the most fun 14 minutes on a phone that I've ever had, and I hate talking on the phone. I just finished giving a test to three of my classes that included basic methodology for surveys. Keep this in mind. The call started off asking me to listen to somebody from the NRA giving a "reasonable" description of some new gun control legislation that is going through the channels. After hearing a thinly disguised rant, someone comes on to ask me the survey. The guy asks, "Do you trust congress to protect your 2nd amendment right?" I answered that I do and was met by a long pause, followed by an incredulous, "You do? You trust congress to protect your rights?" I repeated my answer and the guy started thanking me for taking the survey and was about to hang up when I decided to have some fun.

I mentioned how difficult it would be to actually take away the 2nd amendment right because of the long arduous process it takes to change/repeal an amendment. He very slowly agreed. I then asked if he was in favor of the system that requires that we license drivers so they know the rules associated with operating a motor vehicle. He said he did. I then asked if it made sense to him that we require this for people operating cars, but not for people operating machines that are meant to kill. He said that he guessed not. At this point (I think I was channeling Socrates...where's my hemlock?), I asked him what about the bill the NRA was opposed to. No response. At various times I had to say, "Hello?" He would always say that he was there, I would repeat my question, and he often sat silently again and we'd repeat the whole process. At no point could he come up with something specific that the NRA was opposed to in the bill. I tried to explain that I didn't see what they were opposed to from the information given and that I'd like to know more if I was missing something. I figured he would jump at the chance to proselytize me, but I was met with silence.

At this point, I decided to give him a break (heh heh heh) and I asked about the methodology of the survey. I asked if people ever answered in the affirmative after listening to the spiel. He said people didn't trust the government. I replied that was because the sample they were getting was self-selected, voluntary. People who agree with the position already are going to sit through the minute mini-rant to voice their opinion, but people who didn't wouldn't want to waste their time listening to a prerecorded message, so the sample of the population was biased. On top of that, the question itself was biased. Asking if you trusted congress to protect your rights is a biased question. It suggests that you answer, "No." All of these points were followed by even more silence. I then asked what the NRA was going to do with this "data" they were collecting. When he finally answered, instead of just being silent, he said they just wanted to know.

This is when a very loud, intermittent beep began and he said he had another call coming in. I reminded him that he called me, but he said they were still taking calls. I again, because I do want to be well-informed, asked what exactly the NRA was opposed to in the bill. After another beep, he thanked me for participating in the survey and hung up.

That was fun.

Red Wings Rising

They had me worried after games 2 and 3, but after the last two games, I'm feeling good about Detroit. So far, after 9 games, I've seen one, last Sunday's loss in triple overtime. These games need to get on a station I can get (stupid cable company putting VS on digital only tier). Anyway, hopefully the Wings will put the Ducks away Tuesday and move on to the conference finals!

Sick Day

I'm home today. I am not sick, but my daughter is. After a weekend of bad coughing and one day home from daycare, the doctor diagnosed her with an ear infection and bronchitis. Yesterday was an epic battle of wills. You see, my daughter does not like medicine. It's not necessarily the taste, because she doesn't even know what it tastes like. It seems to be more the concept of medicine to which she is resistant. I called home during lunch to hear her screaming for me to give her the medicine instead of mommy. I know how this game goes. As soon as I get home, she doesn't want me to give her the medicine anymore. She's too clever for a three-year-old and I'm getting afraid of the teenage years already. I got home and she still hadn't taken her medicine. I came home with many different bribes (nutty bars, chocolate milk, donuts). Bribes don't really work because she has such a strong will that she is willing to forgo these treats to make her point. Reverse psychology doesn't work either. She is a master at managing cognitive dissonance. She has no problem stating one desire and then denying its very existence with her next breath, as long as it makes her point. The key to dealing with her is somehow working out what we want to end up as her idea. She eventually started saying that she wanted the medicine in bed in a cup. I said we couldn't do that. Then she really started to want it, so I said we could try it. We put the medicine in a sippy cup, took her upstairs, and she drank it.

As she was throwing a fit this morning because we wouldn't let her drink chocolate milk in an open cup next to the computer, she started screaming that she wanted more medicine. She definitely keeps us on her toes.

Today is a well-timed break. My students are driving me crazy. I cannot believe how mean they are. There is absolutely no empathy whatsoever. I would not want to be on an island with them. It would end up like Lord of the Flies or Battle Royale (which is an awesome book by the way). I know it's the end of the year, but the trends I've been seeing, just in the last three years are not promising. Of course there are some great kids, but even the best can resist only so long. Some of the elements in my classes are so toxic that they infect everybody. 20 days left!

Fort Knox Pants

I guess I've been a bit busy as my last post was on April 1. We've made it though April and the last of the PSSA tests (today and yesterday were for Science). Now we've got the final push through May and the crazy last week. Lately, I've been noticing that the natives are getting restless, more restless than usual. That's actually putting it mildly. Let me try that again. Lately, I've been noticing some open hostility from my students. Various students are upset with me because I insist on not letting them chew gum, make them keep doing work even though there is only a month left and we finished our state testing over a month ago, or expect them to stay in their seats for more than two minutes at a time. The list goes on. What really surprises me is the level of apathy present in so many students. In one class, I have about 7 of 17 passing, with a majority of those being D's and C's. The F's aren't even close to passing. 60 is passing and I have students in the teens, because they refuse to do a single thing and never complete assignments. I really don't understand the mindset that would allow someone to be that apathetic. Some basic need is not being met.

I have one student who, despite everything he's done this year, I still like. He, in turn, continually lets me know how he feels about me. Whenever I see him, whether it's in the halls, in the classroom, anywhere else in school, he doesn't let more than ten minutes go by at a time without letting me know that he hates me. The other day, as I walked into school, he was in the stairwell window and pounded on the glass a la The Graduate and yelled that he hated me. The rewards from teaching never end. You have to think that if someone goes through that much trouble to let you know that he hates you, he must not actually hate you.

One mini-rant to close out this post: I am tired of wearing Fort Knox Pants. Why do dress pants have so many security devices built into the fly? If I ever had a bathroom emergency, I would be in big trouble because it takes a team of nimble-fingered gnomes to get me out of some of my pants. I have one pair of pants that has a zipper, two buttons, and a slidey-clasp thing. Whoever has been designing these pants must have had a traumatic experience with a fly technology malfunction.

Small beef, big hands

I haven't indulged in a good rant lately, so here's one that's been more of a slow simmer than a boil over, but it will have to suffice. I am getting really tired of commercials for food that is clearly either smaller than it used to be, or so cheap that it cannot be a very large amount trying everything it can to make the food look large. Burgers, in particular, seem to be the worst offenders. I don't know who came up with the idea that if the actors actually use two hands to hold the burger and hold their elbows pointing straight out, the burgers will look bigger, but that person needs to be found and beaten. I don't care how many times you hold a burger with two hands, it does not have the ability to grow to fill the space. That property is reserved for gases, class sizes, and the miscellaneous stuff I have in my house. As for holding the elbows pointing straight out, that just looks too ridiculous to examine further. Ok, that's all I've got for a rant.

The school year is working towards its close, but I can't help but be a little bitter as my wife has two or three weeks left in her school year, and I have almost two months. I definitely miss the university schedule.

Red Wings are in the playoffs, but I hope their three-game losing streak does not indicate what will come. I still don't have Versus, so I'll have to hope for an occasional game on one of the big networks.

I Don't Look That Dumb...

Over the course of this year, I've changed my tactics when handing out consequences. For a while, I was doing after-school detentions. Apparently, they became too difficult. I actually made the kids do a writing assignment in which they would, at least superficially, reflect on the actions that got them there. After one or two detentions, my students started telling me without hesitation that they were not going to serve my detention and that they would prefer an office referral because those detentions were easy. How, exactly, was I supposed to respond to that? Rather than make my life more difficult, I decided to assign writing assignments specific to the action with a bit of gentle mocking built into the passage. The standard passage is about four or five sentences long and is to be written 20 times by the beginning of school the following day. If this is not done, then I have a 40 times assignment that discusses how the student had an opportunity to write less and now they have to waste even more time and it ends with the hope that the hand will not cramp up. At this point, if a student does not complete this assignment, I issue an office referral and it's out of my hands. Often the assistant principal will ask for the assignment and make the student complete it during the detention (she's great).

I've only had one student try to type the assignment (now each one says "no typing"). I had a very interesting situation yesterday though. I had a student use some choice language as I entered the hallway the other morning. I decided to cut him a break and give him a writing assignment instead of an office referral. The following day he turned it in, but had decided to paraphrase. He replaced the word intelligent with smart, and left out sentences he apparently didn't think were really necessary for him to write. Now, I actually have an assignment specifically for this occurrence, but it was created in response to the last time THIS VERY SAME STUDENT had a writing assignment. It actually states that I (meaning me) am not a complete idiot. Knowing that I check the assignments, he did it again. So, I made him write more for the following day. He comes in the following morning with 30 copies of the passage. Now when I say copies, I mean COPIES. The kid actually wrote it twice on one page and then photocopied it for the rest of the assignment. When I asked him if he seriously thought that using a copy machine was acceptable, he responded, with a straight face, looking me in the eyes, that he traced it because it would be more fun that way. I asked why the same words were cut off at the ends in the exact same way on each page. He replied that that was how the paper was. This same reason was used for the line at the top of the page. He did have a different reason, however, to explain why dots that had no punctuational purpose appeared on every page. Because he was tracing, he wanted every page to look exactly the same. He would not budge on this story! Later in the day, I spoke with him in the hall and he broke down and said he had copied it. I told him that I was going to give him another chance (largely because I don't deal well with tears), but he would have to write more times. The next time I saw him, he asked if he could have detention instead because, and I quote, "I don't really like doing writing assignments. Nobody does." I was almost speechless, but managed to remind him that it was a punishment. I could not believe this kid. He better have them written in the morning.

Insert Explitive Here

Today marks day three of the Pennsylvania state tests. We have had two math test and two reading tests with one of each left to go. Monday, the kids had to take one of each back to back and I'm sure glad that they did the math one first because when it came towards the end of the reading test, even the best students were about burned out. That was three hours of straight testing. The rest of these days are a little better with just one test, but that's still 1.5 hours of testing time every day. Then we have classes. And study hall times. And we are not allowed to have tests, quizzes, or homework this week. Did I mention I teach 8th grade? So far, no casualties, but we still have two days to go. I really feel for the kids though. This week has nine hours of testing. A month ago, we had three days of writing tests and in about a month, we have two or three days of science testing. Next year we get to have all four tests in the month of April. I hope we do math first; sorry other subjects.

On a good note, I decided that I need to start doing some speed work if I ever want to get my miles faster. I planning on a 5k in April (25th) and I just don't have any speed these days. I chose to do some pace work, headed to the track (that felt nice), and enjoyed the temps in the 60's with twelve 400m repeats, attempting a 96 seconds pace for each with one minute rest between. It has been a long time since I did any sort of speed workout. When I was passing the 200m mark in 45 seconds, I realized that I used to finish the entire 400 in less than 10 seconds more than that, but could not even comprehend how I could run that fast now. But, I'm starting and the speed will return. It has to. My science teacher teammate decided to announce to some of the kids that I was planning on running the 600 at field day. I have until the beginning of June to get ready.